coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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