'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
