take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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