So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
