just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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