i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
