remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize