I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
