No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
