I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
