While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
