Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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