I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize