they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
