It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
