if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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