my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
