Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
