Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
