They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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