the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize