I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
