I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
