Yo dont text me then not text me
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize