i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
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