TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize