cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
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