Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
please come you make the beer taste better
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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