I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
