shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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