I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
