Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You're a waste of cheezeits
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
