So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
