At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
