What a fucking waste of an outfit
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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