umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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