I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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