I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
