i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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