I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
