I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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