Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
