2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
