He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
