you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
