Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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