we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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