I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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