i already hear my dad disowning me
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
