I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My vagina just recognized that song.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
