watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
