he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
