Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
