i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
