When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
