Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
