i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
