He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize