So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I wish you could order shots online.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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