she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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