oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
