Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
