I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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