We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
