your parents love me but you hate me
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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