This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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