put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
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