it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
