Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
not ubering you a puppy
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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