im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
