My room smells like vodka and shame
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
