Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
