just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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