so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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