perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
