I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize