you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
