yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
