Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize