We won't sleep together?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
