alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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