We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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