how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Randomize
