I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
