I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
