I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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