Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
