I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
