I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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