If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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