i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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