dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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