Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize