Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
