they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
