I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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