you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
