I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
As shirtless as possible
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
